It baffles me how this website of mine used to keep me afloat, but now I hardly ever think about it. Perhaps that’s a testament to my recovery, but ultimately I think it’s indicative at how busy life is. Every so often I think to myself, I should come on here and provide and update, but that leaves me feeling exhausted even before I open up my laptop.
Writing, for me, has always come in waves. There are days when I don’t even believe I’ve written a full novel- that sounds like an insurmountable task right now. I don’t know when I’ll overcome the boggled down feeling I have toward writing, but what I do know is that I cannot force it. If anything, that will only prolong the dry-spell. So for now, I’m giving myself a break. Any mental energy I have toward writing, I direct it toward my schoolwork.
But, because this is my blog, I do want to briefly chime in with what life has been like this summer.
My summer position at this summer camp has easily been my favorite job I’ve had. With only one week left, I’m beginning time to slow down. The kids are excellent, my coworkers are a community of beautiful, strong women, and the days pass by quickly. It doesn’t feel like work. It all just feels like a huge blessing. I fear for my next job- it will be difficult to even compare to the gig I currently have.
The summer classes I am in right now are great, but I have to say, they are way too much work. I feel like I’m drowning in lectures and essays. Most students would probably skim through the lectures, but I’m the type of person who will feel the guilt of not watching and reading everything. So, I’m trudging along, feeling slightly swamped, but the end is in sight. I’m looking forward to fall semester when, for the first time since freshman year, I’ll only be taking 15 units (the average amount for a full-time student. Last semester I took 21 units- don’t do this.)
Yesterday, I drove down to San Diego to drop off a few boxes at my brand new apartment. I’m eager to officially move in and settle. I have some fantastic roommates (Ian being one of them!). Living off campus and no longer being an RA is definitely an adjustment, but I’m excited for the new phase of life. I do feel like I’ve earned a bi of reprieve. I’m always on the go, rarely able to give myself a break, and I’m hoping the distance from university will allow me to *log off * on occasion. As an RA, you live where you work, meaning I was on call to deal with a crisis at basically every moment. Being constantly on alert was horrible for my stress, but I didn’t see that until now with my summer job, where I was able to actually clock out and turn off that part of my brain. A little separation is good for me.
This summer didn’t include much for relaxation, but my mom and I did manage to snag a great deal on a weekend cruise. The two of us went away for a girl’s weekend down to Mexico where we ate and drank like royalty. My mom and I certainly have had our ups and downs, but I think we are going to find our groove as friends in my adult life.
Hmm… Let’s see what else is going on…
I turned 21 this past week! Woo? I’m not huge on alcohol, though I will gladly relax with a beer. My birthday was on a Tuesday, and I worked 9-5 that day, but my family and my boyfriend took me out for dinner, which was lovely. Then Ian and I popped popcorn and watched a few episodes of the Office which is my idea of a perfect evening, so I was content with my birthday. Nothing too celebratory, which is a-okay with me. At work I also got sung the Happy Birthday song about ten times and had countless hugs from my little kiddos, which was more than enough of a present.
Running, for about five years now, has basically been the only form of exercise I’ve stuck with. Sure, I’ve dabbled in spinning, yoga, bodyweight exercises, etc., but the only thing I’ve truly love is running. Well, in the beginning of July, something happened to my knee that has made running impossible. I have no recollection of tweaking it, but I must have done something because my knee is definitely screwed up. Years ago, an injury like this would have been my demise, but I’m pretty okay with it. I do miss running because I consider it my mental escape, but I think it’s a good challenge for me to find a different way of coping other than running. I’ve dedicated more time to just resting. Hopefully I’ll be back out on the sidewalks soon, but I know the worst thing to do is jump the gun. So, I’ll give myself ample time before I even attempt another run.
I think that’s about all I have in me to write about. I have a 6 page essay on feminist Buddhism I want to get a headstart on before I’m in the midst of another busy workweek. Thank you for sticking with me. So much love to you all! I hope you have a stellar Sunday and a blissful week ahead of you!